At the dinner table, Bryce has begun to tell us that if he eats food x, "it gives me hives." Obviously, we aren't feeding him things that would actually give him hives. He's telling us he'll get hives because he doesn't want to eat it! Crafty? Yes, very much so. Manipulative? Very much so. Potentially problematic? Very much so. How do you correct this clear misuse of his allergies?
Let's back up We have spent the past 3 years of his life trying to teach him about what he's allergic to, which is quite a daunting list. We don't make it into big lessons, it's more like spur of the moment as we're cooking or baking or even shopping. "Can Bryce eat eggs?" we ask him when we're buying eggs at the store. "Can Bryce drink milk?" we ask when the kids pour milk on their cereal. We point out that we eat different noodles than he eats. Or that the frosting I make is safe to eat, but he can't eat other frosting. Little teachable moments. We've talked about what happens when he eats foods that he's allergic to-he gets hives, he gets a scratchy throat, we have to give him Benadryl. We have never said that certain foods will make him "sick" or anything generic like that. We've taught him the symptoms of anaphylaxis as much as a preschooler can understand anaphylaxis.
He has enough understanding of what hives are to know that when we look intently at his face and ask one another, "Is that a hive on his cheek?" he will start crying and say that he doesn't need any Benadryl. He knows that once the hive word pops out, the Benadryl is sure to follow.
So it's interesting that he's using the "it will give me hives" excuse to avoid eating things he doesn't want to eat. He's used it on noodles (quinoa or corn only). He's used it on meat (mostly on hamburger, there's very little in the pork world that he WON'T eat). He's used it on various fruit/veggies. We tell him that no, that food won't give him hives. We stress that Mom/Dad/Brendan/Brett would never give him the wrong food. We want to make sure he understands that WE understand what will and will not cause hives. We have also told him he has to eat "x" (which usually prompts crying-but we tough that out.) I've also gone so far as to say that maybe he needs to be skin tested for that food--which he absolutely doesn't want to do. I hate to do that, though because I don't want him to start freaking out about just going to the allergist.
Where do we go from here? Aside from correcting him-what else can we do? We don't want him to use food allergy as a means to avoid trying new (safe) things. We don't want him going to school and telling his first grade teacher he can't do activity X because it'll "give him hives." But we also don't want him to just put anything in his mouth without thinking about it or reading the label (when he's older) or asking us if it's ok.
It's a fine line-trying to get him to understand that he can't eat certain things while not letting him become AFRAID of eating in general.
This food allergy life sure is tricky. They just don't make manuals for this!
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I would focus on the lying as a separate issue, in that he shouldn't lie about anything without consequences. Keep stressing the fact that you won't feed him anything that he's allergic to and focus on the lying outside of the context of the food allergy. You can also ask him why he thinks it will give him hives and then show him the food that you cooked or the package it came from so he can see what is a safe food source. It's possible he's working through his allergies in his own way, trying to practice his will and independence through such a big issue in his life, or just plain being a stinker. ;) In the house of the witch doctor, I'd treat it as another way to teach KT how to know if a food is safe. By explaining as I prepared dinner and showing her the packages (or in our case the food as I take it out since there are no packages). That way, she gets a deeper understanding and feels more control while working through the phase. If it continued, I would start getting into the lying issue. She's usually pretty well behaved though, and you know your little tornado best. ;) Keep us updated on how you work through it and what works. I'm sure quite a few people will or have gone through it too. If you need more ideas, I can post it on my blog's fb wall also to see what my readers come up with.
ReplyDeleteI think it is a phase. Lying is about understanding how much power a child has. SO much of what others say is true despite them not understanding it that perhaps it is just the saying it that makes it true. And he knows that he can't have foods he is allergic to so perhaps if he says he is allergic to a certain food he won't have to eat it. He just has a different vocabulary than most kids because of his allergies. J has been telling me that her stomach hurts every day for the past month. Some days it clearly has and other days I think she is using it to get her own way and some days I just can't tell.
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