I was chatting with a parent at a back to school event the other day. I'll call her "S". I've known S from church for almost 9 years; long before she had her son or we had 3. Her son is a special needs child, quite a cutie, but it's been rough for them as he's been quite sick and struggles to meet milestones. At age 5, her son "Z", is just a couple of pounds heavier than Bryce and just a pinch taller.
S commented that Z has never scraped his knees, gotten a cut or needed a Band-Aid for anything. I must've had a wierd look on my face (only because I didn't know where she was going with her statement) because she then asked me, "Am I too over-protective?" That's a hard one. She only has the one child, and he's spent a lot of time in and out of the hospital his first 5 years on Earth. I think it's natural that she has a strong mother-bird instinct for him.
The timing of her question made me think: Am I too UNDER-protective? Or is it that my 3 are just so INDEPENDENT that I don't have to do much protecting? I do believe that both Brad and I have relaxed as parents. That could be because each boy has really needed less and less coddling-or it could be that we've just chilled out a bit. Hard to say. Each of our children is a little tougher than the one previous, which could be a birth order thing or a genetics thing or just dumb luck. Maybe it's our amazing parenting skills. (insert laugh here)
We obviously watch them like a hawk when we're out, keep Bryce from the street, make sure everyone's buckled in properly in the car. But no, we don't chase Bryce up or down the slide-he's perfectly capable of doing it himself. We don't worry when Brett gets knocked over in soccer-the coach can handle that. We try to let Brendan have space and roam the neighborhood on his bike. Is that under-protective? Or just independence?
Whatever it is, we're okay with it.
Mr. Independent himself, going up and down the slide with no help from Mom.
I only have one child and I am a bit uptight. I want to her to have some of the freedom and independence that I experienced as a child, but I also know how naive people were back then. My parents were seriously lucky that we made it home at the end of the day.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was 5 they opened a store on the beach. I was sent out with food for a prop and told to talk to every stranger I saw and tell them to come to the store. We were allowed to roam around down the beach, through the woods, to the grocery store, and of course the ice cream parlor. We talked to new people and made new friends every day.
I don't see ever allowing my daughter to have any of that freedom and it is kind of sad. Thankfully she is still pretty independent, despite my telling not to run on the sidewalk, to keep all four feet of the chair on the floor, and to stay away from those bees. Of course she also is a little bit of a ninny sometimes and still won't put her face under the water. Though that last part might just be instinctive as it is virtually impossible for her to keep her mouth closed that long.
I totally understand, Tana. We were allowed to go to the ice rink by ourselves, go to the store by ourselves and we walked 1 mile to school every day for the 12 years we went to school. But it was different back then, for sure.
ReplyDeleteI had to chuckle at the "virtually impossible for her to keep her mouth closed" comment. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it? ;)